Chores: Punishment or Preparation?

Submitted by Teresa Hendren in Home Page Stories, RCS Blog on June 23, 2020

Chores: Preparing Kids to be Independent, Responsible Adults

Blog Written By: Mr. Warner, MSHS Principal

When my wife, Amber, and I first had children, countless individuals told us, “It goes by so fast.” That has absolutely been the case for us with our children. Just last night as I was tucking our children into bed, I was amazed at how tall our kids are getting.  Our children are going into 4th and 5th grades next year!  How did that happen? We have begun talking about the future just a bit. Our kids tend to get sad and even cry when we tell them that one day they will get to go to college, get a job, get married, have their own families, and move out of our home. I am not ready for any of this! As much as I don’t want my kids to ever grow up and leave our home, I equally want them to grow up to be responsible adults who can leave our home and take care of themselves and their own families.  Then Amber and I can go away for the weekend without concern for the kids!

Children are sponges.  They are great at repeating the things we meant to say and the things that we didn’t mean to say (contact me personally for great stories of real life examples from the Warner home). They are also sponges for understanding how life should happen. One of the things Amber and I love about school being in session is the routines.  Our children thrive on routines, but they go to “Mush Brains” without them. So, if our time with our kids is limited, and we really don’t want them to live with us forever, how do we prepare them to move out (one day, a long, long, long time from now)? One way is chores.

Are chores punishments or a way to prepare our children? I used to coach basketball. In our coaches training, one idea stuck out: “Don’t use something you want your athletes to do as punishment.”  An example would be: You want your athletes to run, so don’t use running as punishment. Instead, utilize something like sitting out of a favorite drill or decrease an athlete’s playing time. Likewise, I would argue here that chores should be something we want our children to do in order to become prepared adults. We want them to know how to do these things and see them as beneficial, so using them as punishment may actually work against our goal of developing responsible adults. Children need to do chores and they should be included in daily routines, both when school is in session and during vacations.

Chores need to match a child’s age, ability, and maturity levels. Children from their earliest days need to understand how they contribute to the home functioning optimally. Below are two lists of chores, one for younger children and one for older children. Chores need to be taught, modeled, and may be daily or weekly tasks depending on your household. As children grow up, additional chores should be added as they learn to take responsibility. Some items from the Older Children list could be incorporated at young ages, but should be done independently at the older ages.

Younger Children (Ages 4-12)

1.       Make their bed.
2.       Clean their room (toys away, dirty clothes in the hamper, all surfaces organized, stuffed animals in their place of honor).
3.       Pick up the bathroom (hang up towels, wipe down counters, keep the sink rinsed out due to dirty hands and tooth paste).
4.       Help with dishes and empty the dish washer (start with the utensils minus the sharp knives, then add plastic items, and then the glass items).
5.       Empty the garbage (this includes inserting a new trash bag).
6.       Feed pets and clean up their poop (don’t get to eat until the pet has their food).
7.       Clean up and organize the house room by room (a trick I have learned is to do one room at a time and tell the kids, “I need you to pick up 10 or 15 or 20 items.” I select a number based on what I see. This becomes a game and provides a perceived end to the work).
8.       Sweep the dining room, kitchen, or both after a meal.
9.       Match lost socks.
10.   Take a bath or shower.

Older Children (Ages 13-18)

1.       Clean their room (make the bed, dirty clothes in the hamper, all surfaces organized, check under the bed).
2.       Clean the bathroom (hang up towels, clean counters and sink, mop the floor, scrub the toilet and the tub or shower).
3.       Empty the dishwasher.
4.       Empty the garbage and take the garbage out to the curb on garbage night.
5.       Feed pets and clean up their poop (don’t get to eat until the pet has their food).
6.       Clean up after themselves in the house common areas.
7.       Do the dishes and sweep the dining room or kitchen or both.
8.       Do their own laundry (including folding clothes and putting them away in the right place).
9.       Yard work (mow the lawn, rake leaves, sweep, pull weeds).
10.   Wash the cars (inside and out).

As most children don’t, I didn’t like doing chores as a child, but I am now thankful that my parents hard-fought and made me do them. My parents prepared me to take care of our home and family. It is now time for us to prepare our own children. Chores are a huge discipline for preparing our children to be independent and responsible adults.

In the next blog, I will share what Amber and I do with giving an allowance. Our focus: Attitude.

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