Starting Strong - A Parent's Guide

Processing Hurt Feelings

If you’ve ever watched your five- or six-year-old come home from school with a cloud over their face or tears in their eyes, you know the pang that comes with seeing your child hurting. At this age, their social world is expanding rapidly—but so is their sensitivity. Conflict, exclusion, misunderstandings—these are normal parts of childhood friendships, especially in kindergarten. A seemingly small slight—a friend who didn't want to play today, or a classmate who laughed when they dropped their lunch—can feel enormous to a young child. As adults, we often expect children to behave with a level of social sophistication that we haven’t even fully mastered ourselves.

Emotions Are Big!

Children in kindergarten are just beginning to understand their emotional landscape. They feel everything intensely, yet they often lack the words to explain what they’re going through. We need to help them name and normalize their feelings.
You might hear:

• “He was mean to me.”
• “She said I couldn’t play.”
• “Nobody likes me.”

Resist the urge to fix it right away. These moments are not emergencies. Rather than labeling every problem as bullying or every hurt as a crisis, we can guide our children through the process of learning to speak up, bounce back, and try again. That’s resilience—and it starts here, with you, at home.

Parent Response

When your child is hurting, they don’t need you to leap to judgment (“That kid is a bully!”) or offer quick fixes (“Just play with someone else tomorrow!”). What they need first is connection. They need to feel safe enough to explore the confusing world of relationships.
Try:

• “That sounds like it really hurt. Tell me more.”
• “What happened before that?”
• “How did your body feel when that happened?”

By slowing the moment down, you’re helping your child process instead of react. You are teaching them that hurt feelings are survivable—and, more importantly, understandable.

Practical Tools That Help

• Storytelling: Share your own childhood experiences: even grown-ups were once left out or hurt—and got through it.
• Books: Read stories together where characters face emotional ups and downs. Discuss how they handled it.
• Role-playing: Practice what your child could say next time. Keep it lighthearted, even a little silly—it helps them engage without shame.

Parent Reflection

When your child is hurting, do you tend to jump into “fix-it” mode—or are you able to sit in the discomfort with them?
How can you and your spouse support each other in slowing down and listening first?